On Choosing Your Hard

My life is not easy… is yours?

If it’s not, is it because you have nine kids like I do?

Or maybe it’s because you have three (or even one) and are being hit with how motherhood isn’t a walk in the park and it isn’t as obvious how you should go about it as it was when you were theoretically mothering before children. Maybe you look at me like I’m some kind of superhero (or at least someone who’s made it closer to guru status), while I (knowing much better by now) do the same to the mom of 15.

In the midst of it all, does the thought ever occur to you… “I chose this”?

It does to me periodically in epiphany type moments. I remember all the years ago that I thought having a large family would be SO much fun (you know, back when I first saw Cheaper By the Dozen and LOVED it). I remember dreaming about getting married, dating, getting engaged, and enjoying all the visions of our future family. I remember a friend giving me a copy of a book about the dark side of birth control and the value of fully embracing intimacy and all that comes with it. I fully embraced the idea (pun intended), felt very spiritual about it all, shared the idea with my fiancé (now husband), and we determined together to accept all the children the Lord might send our way.

It’s so funny to me that I’m looking back on this time, because in some ways it seems like just yesterday.

Fast forward to not very far into mothering and I suddenly didn’t feel very spiritual at all. Bible reading, prayer, journaling…all that went by the wayside much of the time for several years. I was exhausted, drowning in parenting philosophies, and so dreadfully overwhelmed. But what I did know (because I frequented so many mothering books and blogs) is that the overwhelm would end “someday”. “Someday” when I had like 12 kids I would have such a handle on it all and I would write blogs and books myself that would share all the amazing systems I had found and bless the world with my incredible mothering wisdom.

You know what I actually face every day these days?

Overwhelm.

Imperfect home systems.

And sorry to say, I don’t feel very wise and have written no books to date.

It’s Because My Hands Are So Full…Or is it?

Most of us do hard things of some kind.

I’ve been told by multiple health care professionals how terribly hard pregnancy is on a woman’s body. “It’s like running a marathon”, they say.

I’m just curious, have you ever noticed anyone going around discouraging runners from running marathons? Are many people loudly proclaiming the dangers of excessive running to anyone who will listen (especially the runners who are in great need of encouragement to finish the race)? Of course not! They are typically applauded, and loudly so, because so many of us aren’t that crazy motivated.

Interestingly, one thing that originally helped to make our country great (or even to exist at all) was a wholehearted acceptance of the idea of doing hard things.

Our country’s origins lie with Puritans, pioneers, and revolutionaries. They were doing hard things. Today, our “hard” things aren’t nearly as hard as theirs no matter what path one chooses (largely because of hard things they were doing that paved the way for us), but we still choose them.

Really, choosing hard things has been a theme of many lives of many people throughout all of history. Ones that have made the history books and many, many more that have faded into obscurity.

I believe this is a way that we reflect God’s image, who clearly doesn’t shy away from hard things. Who made us to do hard things. Who made us anti-fragile, to where our muscles, brains, and spirits grow stronger with use. We are made to languish in inactivity and become discontent. We aren’t made to sit around and do nothing, or to thrive in easy comfortable lives.

That’s why people run marathons. Build pyramids and skyscrapers. Invent the internet.

It’s why feminists eschew children and pursue several years of college and a career instead, and then try to juggle family on the side (if they ever get around to it).

It’s why godly women give birth…repeatedly. Why they go against the grain of the culture embracing children (any number of them these day it seems). Why they work to feed their families real food and keep a presentable home and preserve family bonds.

We’re all choosing our hard.

I could have chosen a different one.

I can tell you I wouldn’t have been happy.

Because you know what, all hard things are…well…hard. But not all hard things have an eternal impact. That makes my hard a thousand times more worth it to me.

Doing Hard Things Within Hard Things

There is a way to do hard things that actually steals all the meaning out of it.

Like being half-hearted and mediocre at our roles as wives and mothers. Staying up too late, living off of kid scraps and sugar and coffee, and having poor attitudes.

Or finding our primary “motivation” in moody mom memes instead of in God’s Word.

Like not working to juggle in things that are hard to find time for, things we need to do to care for ourselves and feed ourselves even (maybe especially) in the hardest of seasons.

Things like:

• Eating healthy
• Exercise
• Reading God’s Word
• Prayer
• Journaling
• Taking naps
• Reading good books
• Getting outside

There’s are always excuses and reasons galore for why we “can’t” keep these types of things up, but the truth is that most of us can. It’s just a matter of finding the crevices and corners of our day to fit them into.

Can you find crevices and corners of your day to fit scrolling on your phone in?

Ya, that’s what I thought. Same here… *cringe*

If you’re wanting to always eat perfectly, workout for an hour a day, and have uninterrupted time in God’s word, prayer, or reading – you will be always frustrated!

But if you can be content with five minutes here and fifteen minutes there, you may surprised how the effects on your heart, mind, and body add up over time. You may be surprised how much better you can show up for your family when you persevere in these things.

It can be hard to accept the many layers and facets of hard in life, but once we accept the ability to work within the limitations God has given us, we might find ourselves enjoying the journey a lot more and seeing something that feels suspiciously like a measure of success in our lives.

The Key is to Keep Choosing

We can debate birth control and family sizes all day long.

We can debate the merits and pitfalls of running, the lies of feminism, and what constitutes a healthy diet.

But the truth of it is, we will all keep doing hard things in one way or another. Ones we’ve chosen and/or ones we haven’t. Maybe its a passel of kids or maybe it’s a long road with cancer.

If you are a Mama, I pray you will keep choosing the hard that you originally did.

Keep choosing your husband.

Keep choosing your babies.

Keep choosing to care for them in all the ways.

Don’t let anyone or anything discourage you, whisper lies to you, talk you out of the beautiful hard that is mothering.

Better yet, choose to be happy in the hard. Fight to do it with a good attitude. Go above and beyond just doing the motions and learn to thrive in it.

Doing hard things reflects our Saviour and honors him, and He will empower us by His Spirit to stay the course.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9